MARIANNE ELOISE AUG 5, 2020
I spent most of my life, until my mid-20s, believing I was unlovable. Many of the relationships I have had, both romantic and platonic, have broken down without warning, leaving me alone to assume that I’ve broken some social code that others understand instinctively. Without clarity, I could never possibly atone. So I internalised the idea that it was my fault, that I was innately “bad”.
I had a long-term boyfriend who, during fights, would confirm these fears. In his worst moments, he would tell me I was evil, that the friends I did have just didn’t know me yet. In my own worst moments, I believed him. What I didn’t know then is that I am autistic. […]