This is a perspective I hadn’t considered.
“I really need to remind the general public that it has only been about 50 years (if that) since it has become expected for parents to raise their disabled children in the community instead of just depositing us in institutions at birth (or discovery of disability)
When deinstitutionalization happened, parents weren’t prepared, they did not know what they were doing and I’m sorry I’m gonna offend a lot of people here most still don’t
5 decades is a short learning curve to learn to love accept and raise kids that the world largely used to throw away
If you don’t believe me just look up the stats on how many disabled people experience child abuse
Also, know that there is a real and deeply ingrained prejudice in society against disabled people
expectant parents saying shit like
“we don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl we just want the kid to be healthy”
is just the tip of the ice berg
Please understand that pretty much every parent (with few exceptions) who gets a disabled child has to go through finding out that they got a kid that they didn’t want
and then they have to keep and raise that kid
and you think prejudice doesn’t make an appearance?
You think there aren’t scores of parents who have just figured out how to rationalize their prejudices?
You think you as an abled outsider who likely shares those prejudices is in a good position to judge?
Abled parents of disabled children are given a level of cultural deference that they have not earned and disabled people are suffering for it
So please, take anything put out by parents with a grain of salt
They’re not all bad but there are a lot of echo chambers
Parenting advice for disabled kids is largely crowd sourced
and no one really listens to disabled people when we say certain things are harmful
You’d all rather defer to a parent
Please always defer first to disabled people
yes even if it is specifically about a nonverbal disability
disabled people who can talk are still going to know if something is oppressive better than a parent who has never been disabled
There are no decades of best practices for raising disabled kids
please defer to us
not our parents
Thank you for coming to my latest TED talk if you liked this/learned something please consider contributing to my out of pocket medical expense fund as my current out of pocket medical expenses exceeds my income http://paypal.me/crippledscholar
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