Thu, Sep 4, 2008, 11:53 AM | From My Journal
I was pregnant, but I wasn’t going to be able to keep the baby?
After 16 years of infertility, this had to be some big cosmic joke. I felt short of breath. This pregnancy couldn’t be tubal like my primary-care doctor thought. It just couldn’t.
My emotions flipped from stunned disbelief to panicked overload. I was supposed to go straight to my gynecologist’s office. The key was in the ignition, but I didn’t dare shift into reverse. I was a wreck. How was I supposed to drive?
I needed to calm down. More than anything, I wanted to talk to my husband. I wanted to hear his voice and have him tell me it was going to be OK.Only, I knew once he heard me bawling into his ear and the reason why, he’d be in worse shape … and at work.
So I dialed my best friend on my cell phone, and I sobbed into her ear.
“I can come pick you up. Where are you?”
The familiarity of her voice was soothing. “In the parking lot at the doctor’s. I only need to drive three blocks.”
“Are you going to be able to?”
It might not have sounded like it, but I was starting to calm down. “Yes, it’s just around the corner. I’m going to be OK.” I shifted the car in reverse, pulled out and merged onto the street. “I’m going to chat with you while I drive over.”
My hands were shaky, but I could focus. I hung onto my friend’s voice like a lifeline as I drove. By the time I reached Dr. Oswald’s office, I had switched back to disbelieving and numb.
“I’m here. I’ll call when I know something.” I hung up, took a deep breath, grabbed my purse and got out of the car.
I could do this.
When I reached the office, the door was locked. I stood and stared. What now?
Maybe the staff was out to lunch. I checked the times listed on the window. Lunch break was from 11 to 2 everyday … except Fridays.
On Fridays the office was closed.
What was I supposed to do? Wait until Monday? Should I go back to my other doctor? My brain couldn’t process the next step. I was dumbfounded.
Luckily, the phone buzzed. It was my primary care doctor’s receptionist and she had an answer.
“If you’re obstetrician’s office is closed, Dr. Manning wants you to go straight to the emergency room.” She explained it was common for them to be closed on Fridays.
Why didn’t they tell me this before I left – or called ahead? Oh well, at least I had a directive. I didn’t need to think about anything else.
I returned to the car and started driving.
Should I go to the hospital by myself? It was one thing to see the doctor, but the emergency room was something else entirely. Was I up to it?
If I knew how to find the hospital, I might be.