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Message From The Archives | I Hate Being A Mom Today … By Eve Reiland circa 2005

Feb 23, 2005, 1:43 PM  | Email From My Son’s Teacher

Hi Genevieve,

I’m writing to inform you of Jared’s incomplete homework from last night. I only assigned 2 assignments and neither were completed. Spelling definitions and 9 math problems.

He also did not have a reading signature. In the past 6 math assignments Jared has not completed any.

I would really appreciate it if you or your husband would check his planner on a daily basis.

I don’t know what Jared does with his time at home, but it hasn’t been homework and that should be his priority.

If Jared does not have practice in math, he is going to continue to fall behind.

I hope that tomorrow Jared has his 5 times each Lesson 26 spelling words and math workbook page 135 # 1-6 completed or at least attempted.

J. O.

Feb 23, 2005, 3:07 PM  | Email I Wrote & Sent To Friend

I hate being a mom today.

I should have requested an IEP last year – but so caught up in the
adoption crisis I let it slide.

 Jared is a beautiful soul, but so in need of help too.

I dont’ know where his issues begin or end in the way of school, how much of it is his what we think ‘problem’ and how much is just the regular laziness of an 11 year old kid. I can’t find that damn IEP we sat down and figured out with his counselor.

He has almost no friends at school. ANY school he goes to, he becomes
the kid no one likes. He’s made a friend here and there, but mostly
he’s picked on. He choked a kid at school he told me. Cos the kid was
making fun of him. A part of me was happy he stopped taking it the
other part mortified.

His counselor, who is not the offical opinion guy, and us realize he
has almost all the signs of Hyperlexia, (a communications and social
learning disorder). Its usually considered to be a part of Asbergers,
which is in the Autism spectrum.

I’ve tried getting him tested through
his doctor – but to no avail. He says its a shrink’s job.

They took him off the paxil because of the study that shows kids on it are prone to suicide. Jared did really really well on it.

They put him on prozac- and in a years time he was a super angry, snapping at everything and showing strange behaviour on it. Took him off and he’s doing better, but nothing like he was on the Paxil.

In order to get the doctor to prescribe it again, so he can legally
cover his butt, he agrees Jared did much better on it and it’s prob the
right medicine for him, but he can’t due to their legal dept, I have
to find a child shrink to say he should have it.

BUT I don’t know if that is just covering up the issues like a bandaid or not.

The only people who I can find that will test him, the insurance doesn’t cover. 

Even if we get an IEP with his school, chances are it won’t change
anything. If he sincerely has Hyperlexia they don’t recognize it as..
i forget what they call it.

SO out of my element here – I want to help him – but have no idea
where to start swinging that bat.

Everyone I talk to say how the schools try to screw you out of stuff, their not always in it for the kids but more for the budget. So even with an IEP I don’t know if were helping him. We could change his school – but the issues follow us everytime.

His counselor was helpful, but we need more than he can help us with. 

so his teacher sends a note about his homework. *sigh* obviously she’s
really frustrated too.

He could be very lazy – but when he wants to know something he learns it til he can quote it line for line – he’s passionate about it.

It’s not that he can’t work… his math? FFS I
can’t count – much less help him with this stuff. He’s in the wrong
classroom setting, I need more guidance on how to help him at home.

there’s NO one though. How is he going to survive middle school and high school?


Feb 23, 2005, 3:57 PM  | My Email To A Friend About The Situation

I’m researching the Web right now – just found this Parent-to-Parent
group in Merced (we technically live in Merced County.) I’ve already
sent out two e-mails, sending out another right after this.

I’m so soooooo mad and upset. 

I hate those bastard children for being mean to my son. I hate the
school system for not recognizing he needs help or even HELPING me to
find help.

He’s so so sooooooo smart they overlook the other stuff and
they get mad at him for not doing what they think they know he can.

They get mad at him for being socially inept and shutting down.

I’m mad at his teacher for talking to me the way she did.

Even though I know logically she is out of her mind frustrated. Which means she not only feels not support from us, but gets none from the school either.

She’s not allowed to talk to me about IEP’s she said, school policy.

WHAT kind of shit is that?


I’ve seriously thought about homeschooling. So far as I we went to
orientation last year on it. But it’s toooo much.

I can’t work and homeschool him. His dad is not made of the stuff for home schooling. I’ve looked for charter schools – but they are all religious affiliated schools and f-that. I don’t know if a tutor would have what he needs.

I hated school. It was awful and I was just like him. the one everyone
picked on. Cept he cares more. That hurts me more, knowing he is more
sensitive to it. I had a brother close to my age, I think that made
the difference.

In sixth grade I was beat up by a group of girls.
Seventh grade again, eight grade I finally fought back.

The next year I ended up in juvie for drugs. The next year for running away. A social ‘interaction’ in juvie was seen by someone who knew me from school – I didn’t know her.

She went back to the real world before me
– when I got back to school no one bothered me anymore cos she told
everyone about it apparently.

This is not the life I wanted for my son.

The one I swore my kids would never have. Now that I’m here, I still don’t have any answers. We can move – but where?

It might be a bit less trouble somewhere else, but the issues follow always. Just different faces and different names.

I hid in the closet, doors shut, no lights. my mom finally found my
hiding spot one day, pulled me out and asked if i was crazy.


By Eve Reiland

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1 reply on “Message From The Archives | I Hate Being A Mom Today … By Eve Reiland circa 2005”

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