Comments As Seen On Facebook | i am still processing this latest round ……. via Eve Reiland

Lindsay Mohler What the actual fuck.

Rosa Tremaine OMFG being a parent is not about what YOU get from it how fucking selfish does a person have to be to think that it should be?!!!
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Eve Reiland yeah … i’m just … processing

Maria Vidinha How can you process this ? Omg my skin is hurting
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Eve Reiland idk, i haven’t been able to yet
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Alissa Johnson Âû Then you should have adopted your autistic kid to autistic adults who are just as demanding, but mutually demanding. At least we make sense to the kid.
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Vanessa Blevins Alissa Johnson Âû and we’d have a better chance of understanding (and accepting) the kiddo as well.

Alissa Johnson Âû A way that we are blunt to each other as a sign of respect and acceptance.
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Vanessa Blevins I couldn’t make it through all of that without being physically ill. Their ableism is absolutely disgusting. Any other disability requiring additional care, if they were talking like this it would be considered hate speech. As autistics we aren’t protected, even from our own parents.
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Pamela Ehn Wanna bet these kids (Now adults or near adults) are so dependent because their mums presumed their incompetence from the beginning, and so set themselves up for their “slavery”?

This is exactly the future the docs predicted for my mom. And while my mom was a terrible mother in many ways, the one thing she NEVER did was presume incompetence. She always expected that I should be able to do anything, and sometimes she expected too much for my developmental level, but I think it’s far better to expect too much rather than nothing at all. She gave me a future that all too many people tried to rob me of.

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Kathy Tremblay Pamela Ehn you are an ignorant ass if you think a mother would want her child to be dependent are you for real? Ughhhh
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Alissa Johnson Âû Not all mothers are the same Kathy Tremblay. My mother was an abusive mind fuck, with minimal but still there physical abuse. If all mothers were good, these things wouldn’t happen. Our parents don’t have to be a measure of you. And my mother had me convinced I was a bad kid for a long time to keep me under her thumb.
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Alissa Johnson Âû There are indeed mothers who convince themselves that we’re going to be around forever, and try to turn us into their compliant little servers for life.
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Alissa Johnson Âû Not all, for sure. But let’s not claim they aren’t real. It’s just invalidating our lives.
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Pamela Ehn Umm.. I’m not dependent. If my mom believed the doctors about me, I probably would still be dependent.

My mom expected me to be independent and pushed me to be independent at every turn. Sometimes I failed, but failure is OK! It’s having no expectatiSee More

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Alissa Johnson Âû My mother almost got guardianship of me, which is a scary thought for me. Shame on you “mothers” who laugh at my pain while claiming all mothers are good.
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Alissa Johnson Âû I’m 30 and she’s still with the man who molested me from when I was 8 yrs old to 14 yrs old. Oh yeah bad moms don’t exist right?
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Danijela Turner No words other to say I’m astounded.
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Eve Reiland interesting the difference in comments from this thread and this thread: https://www.facebook.com/autisticn…/posts/2234588649885553
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Katherine Erebus It’s sad that these parents consider it their responsibility to be caring for a Dependent person alone.. like they are being punished for the crime of breeding by having a Disabled child… it makes me feel so frustrated that it is societally normaliseSee More
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Pamela Ehn True.

I mean, if we could shut up Autism Speaks for a hot minute to educate these moms that these kids can be capable AND pool resources so they don’t feel alone, this might help matters.

But some mothers will prefer to feel sorry for themselves. It’s Munchausen by Proxy, Autism Edition.

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Katherine Erebus Prefer is a strong word. 🤔
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Melanie Keiling We need to try and help parents like this. It bothers me that no one is considering that maybe she is overwhelmed, depressed, or more.
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Vanessa Blevins I love how everyone here is upset about the mother’s privacy being violated by her post being shared, but have no concern for her child’s privacy when she’s telling the world how awful it is to parent them.
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Kathy Tremblay you do NOT have the right to share something that was shared in a private group .. you’re an embarrassment
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Kathy Tremblay PROCESS THIS : Eve Reiland I don’t know what you get out of sharing private posts. But here’s some food for thought. I think maybe the mom was struggling and venting- are you a parent of a child who has severe autism? I am. Is your child toilet trained? Mine isn’t. Does your child self injure or hurt others? Mine does . Is your child capable of following simple direction? Mine isn’t. Can you go out in public without holding onto your child bc they will get hurt or killed bc they have no sense of danger? I can’t. My 15 year old son functions on an infant level. I love my son with every fiber of my being but with that being said, there are times I need a break!! Resources are few and far between. Even though many people commenting here have no clue what us special needs parents go through- it’s so easy to assume things… it’s sad how quickly another “mother” will insult another mom instead of helping her. I wouldn’t wish this life of worry and stress on anyone, not even this group of know it alls.. the worry I have about who will take care of my son when I’m gone keeps me up ALL NIGHT LONG, it caused a heavy toll on my life, my health, my marriage, my finances , my friends, my inability to keep a normal job, my other family members and the list goes on and on. I have fought for my son and went through things you wouldn’t even have a clue how to handle. So get the hell off your high horse, you never know what life will give you.
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Vanessa Blevins Kathy Tremblay he’s still a person and deserves privacy that the whole world doesn’t know his private matters.
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Cortney Elizabeth Autism is not a disease, it doesn’t have severities. And having a disabled child is not a tragedy justifying this sort of dehumanization and hatred.
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Pamela Ehn Let’s face it Kathy. You hate your child.

And instead of seeing your child as someone capable of development (albeit delayed), you closed the door on that possibility by deeming him a permanent infant. And I think you like the attention it brings you.See More

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Kathy Tremblay Pamela Ehn fuck off – you piece of fucking shit on the bottom of my shoe
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Kathy Tremblay Vanessa Blevins fuck off
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Kathy Tremblay You fucking clowns
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Pamela Ehn Genocidal ape.
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Kathy Tremblay Pamela Ehn you keep proving my point on how you can’t control yourself LMFAO!!! 🤪😂🥴
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Sabrina Fink This made me so sad.
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Hillary Steele Minicucci From Brittany Reed
You repost and rant on what is being done wrong within society but you offer no change. You are involved in a group where parents can vent their day but you offer no help, advice, or guidance. Instead, you bash these amazing people, caregivers, and parents over the internet. You rape them of their safe space. You are no activist, you are just a disgusting and disrespectful cyber bully.
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Cortney Elizabeth Hillary Steele Minicucci

When Autistic adults offer actual help, parents do not like it and ban us from the group. Because 9 out of 10 times their child is struggling precisely because of their parents hatred of autism (and thus their autistic child)

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Hillary Steele Minicucci Cortney Elizabeth this wasn’t my comment. I was sharing for someone else.

Why would an autistic adult be banned for offering help to parents? One would think it’s welcomed. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Cortney Elizabeth Hillary Steele Minicucci

Because the views and ethics of autistic adults and the adukt aytistic community are often precisely opposite to what parents have bern taught and have been doing with their children. To take an autistic adults advice is to acknowledge most of what they have been taught to view as abuse.

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Cortney Elizabeth Because treating autism as a thing one has with symptoms to be reduced is already automatically abusive. And parents are pushed towards aba (notice all the behavioral Langauge in this post) whuch leads them to see every trait their child has, every communication, a “behavior/symptom”

And these sort of groups maximize and encourage the dangerous martyr mom and view of ones child as a tragedy and burden

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Hillary Steele Minicucci Cortney Elizabeth I can see parents being defensive about it. The spectrum is broad and “therapy”is not a one size fits all. I personally would welcome any advice from an autistic adult.
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Pamela Ehn Ok, here it is:

Your child is much more aware and sensitive than you give him credit for. They can pick up any tension and hatred coming their way so watching your attitude is key. See More

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Hillary Steele Minicucci Pamela Ehn this is great advice. Thank you.
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Eve Reiland Hillary Steele Minicucci hey Emma Dalmayneplease share how autistic moms offering support were treated in the group …
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Emma Dalmayne Eve Reiland We were treated like scum and thrown out.
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Maria Vidinha I have been blocked by giving advice, I was called a fraud, I was said that I got my dx to get a paycheck, I was told by a mother of an autistic child that my parents failed me if i only got a dx at 37 years old. Believe me it’s a lot of hate speech targeting a lot of autistics who are speaking up,and 90% of the hate speech comes from parents of autistic children
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Evaleen Whelton Pamela Ehn could I share this on my page with your permission & quote your name?
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Hillary Steele Minicucci Treated like scum and kicked out? Why were you treated like scum? I would love to see screen shots of your advice, because I’m sure they were filled with judgment and hate, just like your blog.
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Emma Dalmayne Search my name.
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Emma Dalmayne You’ll see in your wee group there.
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Hillary Steele Minicucci Emma Dalmayne I am not even in the group that these screenshots were taken from. I was told about the abhorrent behavior from another mama.
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Emma Dalmayne Ah well join it and see how these women speak of their kids.
You may just be shocked.
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Emma Dalmayne Also my blog? My blog is www.autisticate.com
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Autisticate Dalmayne
AUTISTICATE.COM
Autisticate Dalmayne

Autisticate Dalmayne

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Hillary Steele Minicucci Emma Dalmayne no. eve’s blog
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Emma Dalmayne Hilary I strongly suggest you have a look in the Disgustingly named ‘Ugly side of severe autism’ and see why this has come about.
See how mothers who profess to love their kids speak about them.
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Emma Dalmayne And if any of these mothers want actual advice from actual autistics please tell them to feel free to join my support group Autism Inclusivity. Run by autistics for parents of.
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Evaleen Whelton Pamela thank you 😊
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Alissa Johnson Âû We do mean well. We want to help.
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23h
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Katherine Erebus Safe spaces are important, but what is being kept safe? Is it the mental health of parents who are unsupported managing huge burdens, or the validation of hate toward Autistic people that fosters the sort of resentment that encourages abuse, spite, aniSee More
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Pamela Ehn The parental griping reads a lot like incel ranting against women, and we know how much violence has come out of the incel forums.
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Katherine Erebus Personally I would try to avoid conflating the two.. I think the stressors are very different and so is the socialisation that leads to violent action..

If I’m thinking about this right?, I think the common thread in when the pain becomes a motivator See More

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Pamela Ehn But it really is the same thing. Instead of “perfect child”, read “perfect romantic partner”. Both attitudes are coming from a place of entitlement and grievance, which are the precursor of violence. Incels feel entitled to sex and women they can control. Autism warrior moms feel entitled to a non-autistic child. And when you nurse the grievance enough, violence results.
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Katherine Erebus Yes. I do acknowledge a similarity. That was what I was trying to say.

I’m just not sure that drawing a comparison aids in understanding this situation, because a lot of people equate Incel with terrorist/pathetic loser.. so I feel that is an escalation that stops people addressing parents as those who need support, and instead focusses on them being unreasonable, petulant, and violent… dismissible.

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Lindsay Mohler Autistics are not burdens
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Pamela Ehn The level of violence is about the same though. Instead of killing a bunch of women at a yoga studio, they just kill their child. The autistic murder rate is extremely high and most of that are children and vulnerable adults being killed by their caregivers. The worst part is that most of these murderers barely get a slap on the wrist for it because our lives are perceived to have no value.
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Katherine Erebus Agreed it’s tragic and we need to stop allowing it to be normalised because every time someone in a parenting forum says “oh that’s ok.. everyone hates their kids at some time or other” some other damaged human thinks that is validation and license to commit heinous acts on their child.

https://www.facebook.com/erebus53/posts/10209822777444376

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Image may contain: text
Katherine Erebus

This is something of a plea and a thank you.
I’ve been processing some big thinks with regarding rumblings in online Autistic communities about recent material 

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Donna Strom Whats the purpose of these screenshots what are you trying to achieve with them ?
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Katherine Erebus Attempting to show that it’s inappropriate to ignore the needs of dependent children and normalise anger against persons with Autism?

There is a sad trend in the judicial system that filicide of Autistic dependents tends to get reduced sentences.See More

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Donna Strom Or your just posting these screenshots to create drama you nothing more than a attention seeker
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Sinead Larkin There is a difference between venting and hating ur child. I wish I never had a child is not venting, thats hating. When u have children expect that ur child will be born autistic, u may have to look after them until u die because that is the reality. See More
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Hillary Steele Minicucci Sinead Larkin anyone who exploits a struggling mom who shares something in a private Facebook group is a disgusting and vile human.
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Sinead Larkin Hillary Steele Minicucci In ur opinion. In my opinion anyone who questions a persons diagnoses and suggests other conditions and a re-eval is a vile human. U can disagree with the post thats fine. But personal attacks and to be encouraging that? What does that make u?
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Hillary Steele Minicucci Sinead Larkin I will take the label of being vile for telling her to get a re-eval because her actions scream something other than autistic. I can sleep easily at night. The fact that you support a mom tearing down another mom speaks volumes of your character. You do realize that she made personal attacks on this mom, right?
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Sinead Larkin Hillary Steele Minicucci There is no point discussing anything with u and I refuse to lower myself to ur level. Its way too beneath me. Ur happy to take the title of vile and that speaks volumes about u. It also speaks volumes that u think its ok for a person to say they wish their child was never born. So I will sleep quite happiliy knowing that I do not. Whether said in a private forum or not. Have a nice day.
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Hillary Steele Minicucci
✌🏼
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Cortney Elizabeth This mom made a personal attack on her child and autistic people. This is why we are being abused and murdered by pur caregivers at alarming rates.
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Katherine Erebus I’m trying to figure out how this is exploitation?

Sharing something from a private group is a violation of social contract, yes. I’m not sure it’s something that I would do.

I think that some people would not bother engaging with the subject of normalising hate against Autistic children if they did not see that this sort of vent is happening on groups they are not in…

So, yes this sort of action is for attention… so that we can start this sort of dialogue.

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Emma Dalmayne Please comment on Eves post the attacks are disgusting.
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Jóhanna Katrín Svansdóttir Ill never understand the need to post such things about ones own offspring. Even when it is hard for us I dont post about it because I know that once its online its forever, regardless of how private the group claims to be. And if my kids one day were to see that I said such things about them Im sure they’d be devastated. So yea, I dont post anything about them without their permission. Because they are human beings with their own thoughts and minds and what is advertised about them is their choice to make, not mine. But idk it might be that because Im autistic as well (and looking at my own childhood if my parents did such things Id resent them forever) and view privacy as really important no matter how old the person is.
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Melissa Healy I get that it is distressing to see a parent write these comments about their young person but I agree that these screen shots should not have been taken from a closed group and shared in a public forum identifying the mother by name. if the concern is that the young person may one day stumble across these comments sharing in this way has made it far more likely that they will. I don’t however agree with the personal attacks on Eve
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Pamela Ehn Except these are like incel forums that encourage violence against women by nursing grievances against them.

This. Is. The. Same. Thing.See More

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Melissa Healy I’m sorry Pamela but sharing the mother’s post including her name has made it far more likely that her son should he access social media will see these comments. There are other ways of dealing with and exposing abusive behaviour which would protect the identity and dignity of the disabled person suffering the abuse.
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Alissa Johnson Âû Just remember…. as we autistics see this, so will your kids eventually. They’re not without feelings. This just turns into hatred for autistic people which you all bring here.
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Alissa Johnson Âû Autistic people calling out hatred towards autistics… surprise. It shouldn’t be a surprise.
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Eve Reiland There’s an entire series of screen shots before this one on the site … over the past few weeks. This group promotes the support of abuse of autistic people. https://internationalbadassactivists.org/tag/uglyside/
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uglyside – International Badass Activists
INTERNATIONALBADASSACTIVISTS.ORG
uglyside – International Badass Activists

uglyside – International Badass Activists

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Melissa Healy Haven’t spent much time on fb today as have been kept busy with the children but when I have I just see post after post of screen shots related to this and can’t help but think this could’ve been dealt with in a more productive way with the same end in sight. This mother and others like them will not change because you have publicly shamed them and there’s a huge chance that you have just fuelled the anger and resentment they feel towards autistic and disabled people. This mother stated she spends alot of time alone with her son so am concerned that it is he who will take the brunt of that anger and not you via an exchange of words on social media. In safeguarding training here they advise against alerting the alleged perpetrators 9f abuse of your intention to notify authorities because it can put the young person/vulnerable adult at greater risk of further and more serious abuse. The police also advise against the sharing of evidence of abuse on social media as it can taint the evidence hampering any chance of securing a conviction and even if this were to make a court room this mother and others like her could claim their right to a fair trial hasn’t been upheld. I can imagine that dealing with these comments iver the last 2 days must be been draining and know that it would have exacerbated my conditions so would have thought devoting that time to tracking down the location of said parent and reporting her to the relevant authorities would be been far easier and at least would be had a positive outcome for the abused and protected his identity/dignity.
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