Ugly Side of Caregivers | I hope your kid never hears that sort of rejection from you, they have no control over the way they are. … via Mads Beresford

Yvonne Sidwell Excellent that you are running such a positive group. I had a quick look and I don’t think it’s for me. As soon as I saw someone had commented about the booking a flight to somewhere and ending up somewhere else but being happy and making the most of it I felt like sticking my boot through my computer screen or screaming! Sorry, I know some people find that analogy works for them but I wanted a normal kid

Mads BeresfordYvonne Sidwell I hope your kid never hears that sort of rejection from you, they have no control over the way they are. Beyond that children are an extension of their parents; that sort of rejection is self rejection as well. It’s ok to admit things can be challenging. But these kids are still valuable enough to be loved for who they are.

Yvonne SidwellMads Beresford He’s got no idea he’s Autistic, he doesn’t value my opinion, I’m the provider of food etc. I didn’t say I didn’t love him, I said I wanted a normal kid. I didn’t want a kid who can’t speak, who is full of anxiety and has meltdowns and self harms, who will never be independent, who has to have help with all care needs, who can’t read or write or count. Who can’t go out alone, who has no friends. Will never get married, have a job and will always have to rely on the kindness of others. Who I worry about what will happen to him when I’m dead! So if that’s a rejection of myself yeah I reject myself big time!

Mads Beresford Moving through those emotional struggles is important. I’ve benefitted from time with a counselor personally. 

And while he may not be showing you he is aware, I’m sure he can feel the tension.

Yvonne SidwellMads Beresford there’s no tension

Yvonne Sidwell He’s 18, I have not enjoyed the meltdowns, the sleepless nights, the regurgitation during meltdown the spitting, however I have taken him on holidays all over Europe, taught him to swim and ride a bike, fought for his rights and defended him. So I take that back yeah there’s plenty of tension because I’m not a saint

Amy BresnahanYvonne Sidwell maybe you should change how you parent your kid. Maybe he is full of anxiety and meltdowns as he knows you’d prefer a normal kid and not him

Hollie Mazur I feel like you guys are being harsh. In some ways I agree with Yvonne Sidwell. I didn’t go through 9 months of pregnancy hoping for a severely autistic child. I don’t think anyone does. She isn’t saying she doesn’t want her child, she is just saying she doesn’t want the severe autism. I can understand that.

Amy Bresnahan I get that. But he’s still her child and she should try accepting him for who he is and she may find life easier

Hollie Mazur From the sounds of it, she has accepted him. She is still allowed to feel the way that she does. You can’t tell her that her feelings aren’t valid.

Emma Dalmayne And I’m sure your kid wanted a mother who would accept them regardless but ah well…

Crystal BenzingStephanie Jones SchreiberManageLike ·

Hollie Mazur I’m sorry but I thought this group was for support, not bashing other parents. I guess I’m in the wrong group. I love my son very much and I have accepted him but that doesn’t mean I have to love everything he does.

Emma DalmayneHollie Mazur read what you wrote.

Hollie Mazur I have. I love my son but even if he were NT that doesn’t mean I would have to agree or love everything that he does. My parents didn’t always love what I did but they loved me. I don’t love everything that he does but I love him.

Stephanie Jones SchreiberCrystal Benzing I have blocked both. I sent them a message. While I appreciate their perspective, this group is not the place for it.

Thank you for tagging me!

Yvonne Sidwell Oh my goodness, I think they misunderstood. I DO love my son, I would go to the ends of the earth for him. We just didn’t want him to be severely autistic, for his sake as well as ours. I don’t think I’m a bad parent, and I’m a good slave. I’ve done course after course on autism, I even did a BSc after he was diagnosed. I’ve just done a sensory course for parents. He gets the best we can afford and in December we are taking him to Iceland on holiday because he loves to travel. Maybe those parents are still dealing with little tots and just don’t feel as bitter as me (yet) or the level of disability isn’t quite as extreme. If you want to unblock them it’s fine. I can’t say it didn’t hurt but I’ve got bigger fish to fry, the battle for residential college has begun. Xxx

Yvonne SidwellAmy Bresnahan yes that must be the reason

Crystal Benzing There is a difference between the “spectrum” of autism . For many in this specific group, autism is not beautiful, it is not a superpower, nor is it a gift or uplifting.. This group is filled with those who deal with the side of autism that isn’t so “magical”

Mads Beresford Autism is never “magical.”

It’s not a walk in the park. I know because I’m autistic. 

But I also know the importance of -every person- being treated with dignity, respect and given the right to communicate by whatever means possible. 

Instead of having so much anger, be empathetic to their struggles, imagine being them.

Crystal Benzing Understand that this group is a place to VENT and be HONEST about what caregivers go through The good, the bad, the ugly 😉 … We will laugh at the “warm/fuzzie” because for the most part “warm/fuzzie” is not what the experience is for most in this group. 
—-This group is for any caregiver who has a child/adult with severe autism. I love my son more than life itself, but I don’t love Autism. I want this to be a safe place! Vent, cry, celebrate, share.

Rebecca Gosling I find it so sad that you say you wanted a normal kid. I have 2 autistic children and one that I think is autistic but we aren’t sure. Yes it’s hard but how hard is it for them! I could never imagine wanting to change my children 😭 I loved them the moment I knew I was pregnant and no matter how they came out I would never change them.

Yvonne SidwellRebecca Gosling I didn’t say I didn’t love him!!!!!!!!!!!! I do love him. I hate the autism and I hate what it does to him. I want him to have a normal life and he can’t. I want him to have friends, I want him to have his own family and not have to rely on care worker when I’m dead!!!! I want him to be able to defend himself against abuse but he can’t because he’s severely autistic!

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