Autistic Spoken Word Activist Reads “Ever Have A Sensory Overload Meltdown in Public?” PT.1 : Intro
Eve Reiland, prepares to read a piece she wrote dedicated to Whitney Ellenby, author of “Autism Uncensored: Pulling Back The Curtain.” aka #elmomom
Eve Reiland, reads a piece she wrote dedicated to Whitney Ellenby, author of “Autism Uncensored: Pulling Back The Curtain.” aka #elmomom
#elmomom #autismuncensored #whitneyellenby #koehlerbooks
Ever had a Sensory Overload Meltdown
in The Public Eye?
OH GOD its hard. So hard.
My life, and all its entirety, is balanced between
Abilities To go out and about – And then Recovery
Every excursion requires a support network, intensive planning, and an exit strategy
That And knowing that my body might say helll nooo
Even when I’m saying Hell Yess
— and the body, it wins the argument no matter what —
Yes, it’s frustrating as fuck.
And requires a careful balance
And a trusted care partner — because OMG can you imagine my horror
If someone just willy nilly took me somewhere or anywhere based on their wants for me?
Worse, in my protest, proclaiming it to be best for me?
Oh no, sensory overload is not a choice or a behavior.
It’s a bloody meltdown
A screaming fit and, for me, triggers seizures when overload hits
— and I’ll have zero ability to help it.
Yeah, I look ridiculous when that happens,
But the pain I’m suffering, its ungodly and no one can see
Not even me.
Yet it can start with the flickering of a fluorescent light.
Throw in some questions and cross talk. …
Ahhhhhhhhhh. Fuck my brain is triggering fright.
Now get a third thing processing and oh no
I’ll be done for it . . .
I’ll be done for it . . .
so please no ones phone chirp or ding …
m y b r a i n can’t take another thing and . . .
I’ve got to get away from this
And stim to let my brain rest, reset and . . .
Fuck. … i’m fucked — and down I go.
Sight, sound, scent and a breeze on my skin
Hammers like an ice-pick in my brain,
Fire rockets through my nerves,
First I’m mute, then blind.
vision scattered, indecipherable
Language from another incomputable.
No speak, no see, can’t understand a damn thing
— and still that ice-pick hits
Now, someone come force me to make eye-contact, interfere with my personal space, hold me down and force me to “behave.” Make me comply so we can finish this forced socialized game. The one you invented to help me “grow.”
My systems are forced to explosion, body screaming and ignored. Instead, I’m taught to push the pain and compartmentalize it in my Autistic brain — and there’s praise. Gold star. Good Autistic today.
And I lost my trust in another human today.
This is abuse.
so much abuse.
Forcing a will over another and causing pain is abuse.
This is Autistic abuse.
You don’t have to understand it.
Just believe us when we say it. Respect our lived experience.
And help end, autistic abuse.
Video: Eve Reiland Spoken Word at Open Mic Tuesday With Whitney Ellenby Dedication Poem