Spoken Word Activist | Ever had a Sensory Overload Meltdown in The Public Eye? by Eve Reiland #AutisticMomsRise

By Eve Reiland

Ever had a Sensory Overload Meltdown

in The Public Eye?

OH GOD its hard. So hard.

My life, and all its entirety, is balanced between

Abilities To go out and about – And then Recovery

Every excursion requires a support network, intensive planning, and an exit strategy

That And knowing that my body might say helll nooo

Even when I’m saying Hell Yess

and the body, it wins the argument no matter what

Yes, it’s frustrating as fuck.

And requires a careful balance

And a trusted care partner — because OMG can you imagine my horror

If someone just willy nilly took me somewhere or anywhere based on their wants for me?

Worse, in my protest, proclaiming it to be best for me?

Oh no, sensory overload is not a choice or a behavior.

It’s a bloody meltdown

A screaming fit and, for me, triggers seizures when overload hits

— and I’ll have zero ability to help it.

Yeah, I look ridiculous when that happens,

But the pain I’m suffering, its ungodly and no one can see

Not even me.

Yet it can start with the flickering of a fluorescent light.

Throw in some questions and cross talk. …

Ahhhhhhhhhh. Fuck my brain is triggering fright.

Now get a third thing processing and oh no

I’ll be done for it . . .

I’ll be done for it  . . .

so please no ones phone chirp or ding …

m y b r a i n can’t take another thing and . . .

I’ve got to get away from this

And stim to let my brain rest, reset and . . .


Fuck. … i’m fucked — and down I go.

Sight, sound, scent and a breeze on my skin

Hammers like an ice-pick in my brain,

Fire rockets through my nerves,

First I’m mute, then blind.

vision scattered, indecipherable

Language from another incomputable.

No speak, no see, can’t understand a damn thing

— and still that ice-pick hits

And hits.

Now, someone come force me to make eye-contact, interfere with my personal space, hold me down and force me to “behave.” Make me comply so we can finish this forced socialized game. The one you invented to help me “grow.”

My systems are forced to explosion, body screaming and ignored. Instead, I’m taught to push the pain and compartmentalize it in my Autistic brain — and there’s praise. Gold star. Good Autistic today.

And I lost my trust in another human today.

Because Abuse.

This is abuse.

Autistic Abuse.

so much abuse.

Forcing a will over another and causing pain is abuse.

This is Autistic abuse.

You don’t have to understand it.

Just believe us when we say it. Respect our lived experience.

Accept it.

And help end, autistic abuse.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s