Saturated – losing my mojo, & the question of embodied existence as an autistic person.

The other side

STU_1404DPP4_001Photograph by Stu Allsopp 2018

Don’t bother reading this. Yes – probably this blog post has been written before. Possibly even by me? I’ve written so very many posts since my diagnosis that even I can’t keep up!

Deja vu, reinventing the wheel, this is what comes to mind when I hit the web these days. Voices that have been silenced for a lifetime are compelled to speak, and in so many ways blogging is the perfect mouthpiece.

But I’ve become weary about sharing my life online.

Suddenly – as I approach my two year diagnosis anniversary – the plane is tanking. I’m not giving up on activism. There’s probably just a limit to how long a person can keep going without burning out a little, or even getting burned (which indeed I did in 2017).

Also there is overwhelm. It’s brilliant that the blogging scene keeps mushrooming – but…

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You don’t understand my mental illness and that’s OK

The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

Here goes nothing.

I think all too often we forget that empathy and understanding are not synonymous.

There is nothing more offensive and nothing that minimizes a mental illness more than to tell someone that you understand what it feels like. The fact is that you don’t. I used to have a more gentle and arguably more classy approach but I think brute honesty is needed.

I was diagnosed with Manic Depressive Disorder a.k.a Bipolar Disorder over two years ago. In all technicality, I have been diagnosed Bipolar II which for clarification means I experience hypomania (a less severe form of mania) and more depressive episodes. Bipolar Disorder can worsen over time and even develop into Bipolar Schizophrenia. I’ll go into more depth with all of that another time. The gist of it being this disorder can very easily spiral out of control.

chey3

So I hope it is already making…

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Oh, how I would love to talk about ideas…

I CAN Be Autistic

sunrise behind clouds over the oceanSo, this trip has been interesting. I have 11 hours to go (and yes, I am counting), till I get to leave the office, get in my car, and drive to the airport. Then, I’ll have yet another bite to eat, board the plane, and fly home.

I can’t wait. I’m done here. I was supposed to have dinner with an Aspie friend, last night, but I ended up having to do a work team-building thing — going out to dinner with my coworkers, and then having ice cream afterwards. It was a good time, and I enjoyed hanging out with them. Just like I’ve enjoyed spending time with other folks, discussing work and other subjects, and everything that goes along with networking for work.

Sure, I enjoy spending time with these people, but when do I get time to decompress? All this peopling has been incredibly taxing. It’s exhausting…

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