Just a few more days, till I can get back to my routine

And Now... For My Next Trick!

pocket watch on map with sandOh, Lord, the inside of my head sounds ungrateful, right about now. A still, small voice has gradually been getting louder and louder… bitching and complaining about the lack of routine in my days, this past week and a half. And that voice is eager to get back to the familiar routine of the everyday.

I can’t remember the last time I had nearly two weeks off for the end-of-year holidays. I don’t think I ever have. So, in some respects, it’s been blissful. No structure to strangulate my creativity, no outside demands (other than Christmas shopping and the odd errand) to cramp my style. I’ve been able to get up when I wanted, go to sleep when I wanted, pretty much nap whenever I please, and so forth.

Yeah, in many respects, it’s been delightful.

To just let time drift, without having any deadlines, without having any requirements, without…

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The Phoenix In Me

Poetry Of An Aspergian

As an aspie, I needed my freedom

just as the wind comes and goes

I needed to be alone

So I discouraged them from seeing me

and shut myself into the closet

I wrote and prayed and ate and slept

but I never felt myself falling out

and away from life

I wrote of dreams I wished to have

I prayed for things I already had

I ate what I slept in

I slept in because I ate

Time withered away like my strength

to face the crowds, my enemy

my old friend, right beside me

and my father, belittling me

I curl up and listen to FOB

to drown out the noise

but listening to what everyone else thought of me

I lost my voice

and what you read everyday

is the beginning

of what I’ve rediscovered

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A Goodbye to 2017

The Bipolar Writer Collaborative Mental Health Blog

What a year its been for me. I have been through some of the worst anxiety and depression episodes that life can throw at me, and yet here I am. I have grown so much in the last year and for the first time in my life, I can say that I am moving forward.

I started this blog “The Bipolar Writer” back in September and the changes that I have gone through by sharing pieces of my life has been the best thing to ever happen to me. It got me writing full time again.

I have met the most amazing community on WordPress of people just like me working to tell their story.

I got to see my first screenplayMemory of Shane go from just a dream to completion this year. It’s entered in a student competition that I hope to win. Or at the…

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Autistic Anxiety and the Ableism of Accommodation

Ryan Boren

Autistic anxiety is a powerful presence in my life. Its intensity can be unfathomable to a neurotypical mind. I’m 44 years old and have trouble ordering food at a restaurant. I need hours to come down from the adrenaline poisoning of a one-minute phone call. I meltdown in crowds. Adrenal exhaustion is a near-permanent condition. This has been so for my whole life.

This, for me, is a disability. In a context where I’m required to talk and interact at length, I am disabled. If the internet and the web hadn’t come into being as I entered college and the workforce, I would likely have gone unemployed and ended up homeless. I didn’t expect to live to middle age. I expected to eventually defenestrate. “Written communication is the great social equalizer.

Disability requires context. Change the context, and eliminate the disability. The internet changed the context and made…

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2017 in Review

Finding Hope

It’s become a bit of a tradition for me to summarise the year on Instagram with a collage of photos and a sappy caption but since I have the blog this year, I thought I’d write something a bit more in depth (although I will still do my Instagram, fear not). I want to collect my thoughts and take a look at what I loved and lost and learned.

This has been a hard year, mainly because of my mental health. I struggled with my medication for a long time before having the worst meltdown I’ve ever had and that was the trigger for a really bad bout of depression that I still haven’t really recovered from. It’s not as bad as it was but it’s been really hard. Because of that, I decided to change medications and that process has swallowed up most of the year. Honestly, that’s been…

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Happy Metal New Year 2018! Some Big Decisions

80smetalman's Blog

Another year has come and gone and as we enter into 2018 tomorrow, I am faced with some choices for the coming year. Don’t panic, 80smetalman’s Blog will continue on until the very last relevant album of 1989 is posted about and as I’m only in 1984 at the moment, it’s safe to say that there are a few more years left in this engine. However, reflecting upon all the great musicians that have departed this world in the last two years and the passing of my mother in law three days ago, I have come to realize that I’m not exactly a spring chicken myself. Therefore, it’s time to slow down a little.

What I am really talking about is the physical side. Four of the past five years, I have gone to one of the major metal festivals in the UK and hopefully, have entertained you with my…

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