Autistic Mom to NT Mom – Judith Newman & Eve Reiland FB Chat | #boycotttosiri

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Eve Reiland Eve Reiland I believe as an Autistic Mom to Autistic kids — and a non-autistic kid — when we know better, we do better. I’m not a perfect parent and had my share of struggles. 


The pressures of conformity in parenting are horrid and distressing — something I felt keenly when raising my oldest. Thankfully, I am Autistic and my oldest and I always had an understanding between us that it seems NT might not get? My fight is for autistic civil rights — and to help autistics now. We’ve been left with communities that provide no care for autistic adults. Folks want to know what happens to their kid when they die?

Well, they’re going to suffer. Like we all are right now. Suicide is our #1 cause of death — and here in Fresno, CA they don’t accept Autistics in crisis care at the psych ward — they don’t know how to treat us so we’re sent home to die. This is an incredible issue nationwide.

Our biggest community issues are suicide, homelessness, incarceration, severe poverty, much higher percentage of caregiver abuse/murder, Autistic Crisis Intervention training for first responders, access to adaptive technology and fashion, employment programs and supports actually created for Autistics and focus on strength-based team builds.

This is the horror waiting for most Autistics as they age out — and many of us have children too. We want a better future where Autistics are seen as more than a diagnosis and our genetic heritage is protected and valued by society. How can you help there?

Eve Reiland Eve Reiland I don’t condone death threats. I’ve received them in activism before and it’s wrong to do that.
Judith NewmanJudith Newman Eve Reiland that is a very good question. The way I was helping, in my mind, was not ‘normalizing’ my son and not calling for any kind of normalization/fitting in. The way I want to help, very specifically, is by broadening work and opportunities for autistic people. Not one person who has threatened me has mentioned that I write about this extensively. Not one. My feeling is that if we can make curbs slope on the streets of NY so people in wheelchairs can get around, surely we can make accomodations in the workplace (whatever it is, differences in lighting and sound levels just come to mind, but there may be many other things) that make work more possible. The two things that matter most to human dignity and happiness are love and work, in my mind (Well, in Freud’s mind too). Love is a crapshoot. Work accomodations are not.
Judith Newman Judith Newman And what you say about the fact that autistic people are not taken in the psych wards — that is horrific, but do you know why? Or rather, is that some sort of official policy, or is that anecdotal?
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Judith Newman They aren’t trained to care for us is what was shared in an MHSA planning meeting. Autistic kids in crisis have nowhere in state I believe.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland and it’s literal, unfortunately.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Course we only have 85 beds here for crisis help — so really, not a lot of hope getting a spot anyways
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Judith Newman Oh, I’m a completely typical Autistic. A quirkybird by NT standards – maybe bland by Autists standards 😉
Judith Newman Judith Newman Oh, I see what you said above, too, about how many kids were made to feel they were lesser if they weren’t “normal.” , thus the contempt for ‘autism mommies. But I think that comes from this enormous wellspring of fear.
The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism Judith: Here are a couple of my takes on why “autism mommies” tend to be treated with skepticism by autistic self-advocates and their allies (the first one is particularly pertinent, though from 2011 and uses some outdated language and terms). -SR
Autism news and resources: from autistic people, professionals, and parents THINKINGAUTISMGUIDE.COM
Judith Newman Judith Newman So you have one autistic child and one NT? How about your partner, if there is currently one? (and you don’t have to discuss this here if you don’t want… now I’m just curious!)
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Thank you for being open to discussion on Autistic community issues. Our people need help and they need it now. The conversation about vaccines, cure keeps stealing the spotlight and that doesn’t help us. It’s my hope we can do better, build bridges and get my people help now and plan for far better quality of lives with systems/services/support/stigma reduction. Think you might want to collaborate on something like that?
Judith Newman Judith Newman Also curious to know waht you think of Temple Grandin’s book “The Loving Push.”
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Judith Newman Kiddos dad, we were married 20 years, spectrum all the way. My oldest and youngest son are Autistic. My daughter is not. My oldest son’s wife,my daughter-in-law, is Autistic. I’m married to an NT now — oh boy, talk about learning each other’s cultures. I translate Autistic to him and he translates NT to me.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland and he helps me figure out my daughter and her behaviors. so very different than my boys — lol. so lots of translations there.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland put it this way, when i chucked the magic cards from my wallet on the floor – she didn’t sort and organize them for an hour. She didn’t even look – just kicked them. Then my good friend, NT, said, you want some candy — and off my daughter went. like I was so confused picking up and resorting the cards back to my wallet.
Judith Newman Judith Newman Eve, to whatever extent I have a platform, of course I want to help. Maybe look at my chapter called “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, about Darius McCollum and the grotesque miscarriage of justice and opportunity.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland those are like the most coveted toys for my sons when young. Extra special because they came from my wallet.
Judith Newman Judith Newman Eve Reiland HA. OK, that’s so funny. Gus has all these stuffed animals on his bed lined up in a very particular way and after all these years I still cannot remember where the hell each one goes. My husband, who is pretty clearly undiagnosed (I write about this…he disagrees.), knows exactly the order, and the groupings, and always has.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland Judith Newman oh, respect the collection. LOL. super important stuff for my kids and me, collections — and our work. It seems many of us find greatest value in our work.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland and to note, it’s really really hard to be Autistic and hear other folks be commentators about us — I’ve had this really awful experience of hearing someone talk about Autistics, what we like – what we don’t like and what the world is like for us — I was right there and that person had it so wrong because they weren’t Autistic. and I still can’t quite explain that feeling but it happens to me all the time. being spoke about like we can’t hear. There are 70 million of us they say — it’s not a great void. We see, we hear, we feel and we hurt.
Eve Reiland Eve Reiland gotta get ready to travel. will sort some thoughts and perhaps have questions for you if you’re available and comfortable to answer.

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