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Evolution of Eve | Hope Lost

Its ok. I know its my fault. Be better if I had died.

(Written as an email by Eve Hinson on 10/2/12)


no, i’m not being knee-jerk here. lets get real. i’m the one fucking up the equation.

you all would be stable it it weren’t for me and my moods. my kids are being raised by someone like *. i shouldn’t be here.
i knew i shouldn’t have bought the jeep. i kept thinking you were thinking it was wrong.
You explained things to me. We don’t have a marriage. We have a crazy woman and a guy who says, “yes.”
forget portland. sorry seattle was a bad idea. i’m not lookkign for yes — i’m asking for your  true opinion. I rely on it. So it’s is on you too. I asked. I wasn’t sure. Now i hate it. and this. and my fucking life.

my son doesn’t think i try hard enough. my kids dont know what to expect from me. i’m fuckign worthless as a  partner, money earner or even suck at apparently trying to have a conversation and lighten it up with you.
I hate me. and this new life. I HATE IT. I hate myself. I’m fucking worthless. and i dont care of you groan about oh that’ where i thought you were going to go.
i know i affect everyone and everyone is m iserable because of me.
there’s no point to this.

i’m a failure in every way. i dont understand, how did i get here? why do i have to be here?


what battle am I facing? could i at least know what it is that’s wrong with me wth some certainty? how am i supposed to live like this forever?

i’m a burden, a failure and a loser.
and i kknow you all love me. otherwise i’d be on the street somewhere. I dont know what to do anymore. i can’t fix anything or anyone. i can’t evven get through a day without screaming at someone who didn’t deserve itt. mostly my children. i know dont know anymore. I’m sorry i messed us all up.

and i know you can’t fix this either


It’s human to think different.


Eve Hinson | July 2017

Eve Hinson | July 2017


Evolution of Eve | Rediscovering life then and exploring the now 

By Eve Hinson, Badass Founder & Contributor |  @badassactivist | Facebook | Instagram Pinterest | Tumblr

Memory loss, scattered focus, inability to track time, and an ill-known stigmatized neurological disorder, plus PTSD symptoms, have erased or complicated recall of Eve’s first 37 years of life.

Now in her mid-40s, Eve is Autistic AF (born that way) and left with a brain that doesn’t include filters (she says fuck. a lot), likes to glitch and, after the memory wipe, created a new personhood. Eve is different to those who’ve known her from childhood. She is unknown even to herself and seeking to learn about her life from back then, and embracing life now.

This series focuses on self-discovery after the onset of severe mental illness, memory loss and permanent disability. It’s a different life and a worthy life.

Contact Eve | americanbadassactivists@gmail.com


By Eve Reiland

Contact | internationalbadassactivists@gmail.com

1 reply on “Evolution of Eve | Hope Lost”

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